How often do you hide behind a mask of correctness and ‘normalcy’ in a life that expects you to be a certain way in order to be perfect?
How often are we thrown into a cesspool of preconceptions and prejudices and are expected to hold it together, along with a persona of who we’re supposed to be rather than who we actually are?
The answers to those two may inexplicably vary because this world is just not made up of one culture or one way of thinking.
What is an inconvenient persona for some, is a way of survival or solace for another.
So many of us are expected to don this halo of purity and innocence as we grow up. We show ourselves as gullible, vulnerable absolute loyal creatures who can’t think beyond a certain threshold of darkness. We show ourselves as angels who are scared and terrified of the dark and can’t handle to talk about it. We show ourselves as either emotionally incapable or overly-emotional. Our aura radiates a pure and ignorant way of life. All of this, without ever intending to. And without warning, it’s become expected of us- to keep our hovering halo in check and dust the residue of those “horrible people” and “dark ideas” off of our angelic white wings.
I am one of those many people.
Every once in a while, you need to tuck those non-existent wings and think twice about keeping that halo lit and above your head.
Just because some of us appear to be tolerating and quiet, does not necessarily mean we are holier than thou, angels descended from the heavens above.
The halo you see does not mean I don’t have a breaking point, it does not give you the a-ok to take advantage of my kindness. I am not an angel and my imaginary wings don’t exist as per your convenience, I will not keep quiet for you.
The halo you see, may however, mean I am just. I will do what I deem is just and does justice to what you do to me. By acknowledging someone I am not, you are letting me manipulate you. I can hold on to this halo and the set your world on fire and rob you off of your peace all with this angelic smile on my child-like face.
I am not that person and I have no intention of being that person.
The halo you see above my head is not a symbol of purity or ignorance. That halo doesn’t exist in this world and it never will. I am not an angel and my imaginary wings are certainly not white.
I am biologically, mentally, socially and physiologically, a human. I am the kind that I despise and get bored of ever so often.
However, if people tend to see me with the halo and a pair of wings, as someone who gives them solace and comfort, someone who can support and encourage and someone who can change things for the better, besides the jarring misconception I have no choice but to keep it on.
However, every once in a while, you need to let these inner hounds run lose. You’ve got to rip apart these wings and make yourself a new one out of the debris of the mental lighthouse you just wrecked.
Sometimes, you’ve entirely got to toss the halo.
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